Titanic

Synopsis: Poor peasant boy – Jack, and rich rebel daughter – Rose, fall in love on the Titanic during its maiden voyage to America. 

From the moment I heard this elderly woman talking about erotic moments in her life, I knew Titanic was going to be a chaotic mess. And you know what? I was right. 

Overall, this movie was a four hour marathon of rich people eating, crane shots showing the boat, and people waving goodbye. The main characters, Rose and Jack, were archetypes. They were so predictable. Even Rose considering jumping off the front of the boat didn’t surprise me. In fact, things would’ve gotten a hell of a lot more interesting if she did. Deep inside, I wanted her to.

 

Lol at Jack, casually watching Rose contemplate suicide

 When the boat hit the ice, though, I was hooked. The whole two hours I spent sitting on my couch watching nothing were well worth watching this clusterfuck unfold before me. People were falling into each other,  Rose wielded an axe, and Jack was handcuffed to a pipe. It was glorious. 

I laughed harder than I should have when a random guy jumps off the boat and hits the propeller. And when I say laughed hard – I lost all control. I was snorting from laughter and I couldn’t explain why exactly. Maybe because the scene looks so fake? Luckily, I’m not the only person who laughs at a CGI character’s misfortune. Jonischloni from Youtube called the propeller guy’s scene the “only good scene in this film.” His clip from the Titanic below:     

Bouncing off my twisted humor, I loved how the director made Jack’s body sink mysteriously into the artic depths, while everyone else around him floated. I get that everyone else has life vests on, but this moment seemed a little too melodramatic for my tastes. Watching him sink was like watching 12-year-olds lose their one true love on the playground, only to “fall in love” again next week. And for the record, I won't touch the "they could've both fit on the door" debate with the pipe Jack was handcuffed to.

Where Titanic is concerned, I enjoyed the movie. In an unconventional way. It was mildly entertaining until the ship started to sink, then it was marvelous. I felt like I visited both the circus and the gym - my abs are so sore from laughing. 

But I want to know what you thought. Did you like Titanic? Think it was hilarious, like I did? Let me know below!